I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
