WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
