K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
