What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
