im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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