I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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