the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
