this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
