someone get that fucking seahorse.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
