We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
