The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
