Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
