Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
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I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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