So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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