Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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