There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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