I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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