Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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