She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
