You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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