Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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