So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
