Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad