Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
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Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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