I must be too annoying 4 u.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
