Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.

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  (214): Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public. http://tfl.nu/c7j6
  Replies (3) Good night (555) Bad night (778)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard

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  (904): how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard http://tfl.nu/2uys
  Replies (13) Good night (912) Bad night (1889)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.

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  (732): i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping. http://tfl.nu/thkh
  Replies (10) Good night (3384) Bad night (513)
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  (+44): View more from England

  Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.

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  (+44): Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms. http://tfl.nu/jipl
  Replies (12) Good night (733) Bad night (5018)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."

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  (208): I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing." http://tfl.nu/1ant
  Replies (26) Good night (6359) Bad night (707)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?

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  (775): Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy? http://tfl.nu/1eeo
  Replies (33) Good night (4823) Bad night (2234)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other

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  (306): They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle (1-306): Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other http://tfl.nu/7xcc
  Replies (9) Good night (5338) Bad night (931)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  i came on her dog

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  (504): i came on her dog http://tfl.nu/ocp2
  Replies (45) Good night (2215) Bad night (6753)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"

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  (719): He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that" http://tfl.nu/ec8j
  Replies (11) Good night (7978) Bad night (1788)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.

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  (541): I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom. http://tfl.nu/ubxd
  Replies (3) Good night (1747) Bad night (863)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.

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  (606): I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell. http://tfl.nu/zj5n
  Replies (14) Good night (2496) Bad night (599)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."

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  (330): At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS." http://tfl.nu/bswl
  Replies (1) Good night (1020) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.

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  (765): Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times. http://tfl.nu/e7uk
  Replies (1) Good night (711) Bad night (256)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.

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  (+61): I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes. http://tfl.nu/bcwt
  Replies (3) Good night (310) Bad night (654)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad

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  (502): like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad http://tfl.nu/fybr
  Replies (1) Good night (505) Bad night (284)

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