apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.