wakey wakey hands off snakey
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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