i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.