So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
