you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!