I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
