It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
