Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
