K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
