I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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