You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
