he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I forget how to act sober
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
