as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
