I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So much rum. So many feels.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Randomize
