i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
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