we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
