We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
sex in a hospital.. check
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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