"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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