he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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