he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
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We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
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I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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