Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
