Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
