I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
