Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
