We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
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I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
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Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I got inside last night via doggy door
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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