remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
