True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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