I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
