You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
