you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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