There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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