dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
