i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
