Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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