Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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