I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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