i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
