my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
