I wannas sexs uuuuu
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
