I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
