"it" just moved
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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