guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Houston, we have a squirter
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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