My nipple is on Facebook.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Randomize
