Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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