oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
