im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
