I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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