In the future we'll all be gay
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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