Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
