Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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