just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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