My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
