i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
