you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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