Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
