she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Randomize
