Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
