ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
